“什么样的文章是一篇高分的托福写作文章?”,看到这个问题,我相信,很多托友,无论考过或者没考试,似乎都无法给出一个确切的答案,当然,这个问题的确很难有一个规范答案。在此,笔者想经过剖析自己的一篇29分的文章,来看看一篇高分文章到底要有哪些特性。

  原题重现:

  (2014/12/27)Young people today are more likely to help others than the young were in the past.

  标题思绪总体剖析:

  笔者选择的观念是不同意上述标题,即以为“相比于过去的年轻人,往常的年轻人更不可能去协助他人。”运用总分总结构,两个理由分别是:往常年轻人闲暇时间减少了,往常社会的竞争压力增大了。

  《托福官方指南》上对托福独立写作提出了三个大的规范,文章结构(organization),语言运用(language use)和细节展开(development),笔者想从这三个层面来剖析下面的这篇文章:

  一. 结构剖析

  In contemporary society, there is a growing tendency that people are less and less concerned about others business(社会现象引入), which has aroused deeply social concern. Therefore, when it comes to the issue whether it becomes less likely for youngsters today to help others than their counterparts in the past(转述标题), people varying in personalities and ages view the same issue from different angles. However, as far as I am concerned, young people today are less likely to help others than the young were in the past, due to the limited spare time they possessed and the fierce competition they are involved in(主题句:个人立场+概括论证段分论点).

  开头段结构剖析:

  第一句,笔者描画一种与标题相关的社会现象,将其作为背景。第二句,经过双方在标题上的争议,引出标题。第三句,提出自己的观念,并概括两条理由。

  To begin with, there is no denying that the less free time owned by the young people will reduce the likelihood that they help others, which particularly applies to the students in school(段首句:联络分论点1和立场). As we know, the increasingly heavy study burden has dramatically decreased the leisure time of students(解释句:解释分论点如何支持立场). According to a survey conducted by Education Ministry of China, the time students spent on learning in 2014 was more than 8 hours per day, while this figure in 1994 was only 6 hours every day. The great difference in the two figures clearly demonstrate that student’s study time has increased a lot, which in turn decreased their free time. And less free time means that students have less chances to provide help to others.(论证句:经过数据段内对比). Therefore, the decrease in the free time of young people has made it less possible to help others(总结句:转述段首句).

  论证段结构剖析一:

  第一句,重述分论点一(时间少)和主论点。第二句,进一步解释分论点与主论点的关系。第三句到最后是数据类例证法,来证明时间少是如何让年轻人不可能协助他人。

  Furthermore, the more fierce competition nowadays is another factor which makes young people less likely to help others(段首句:联络分论点2和立场). One defining character of people is the degree to which they tend to care more about their own interests in a competition(解释句:解释分论点如何支持立场). Job hunting is a good case in point. Just imagine that there are 10 candidates competing for one position, which means that the winner has to outcompete the others. Obviously, each candidate would regard others as his enemies instead of friends, thus providing no help for the other one. However, in the past, the competition was not so fierce as it is today. As a result, the youngsters treated others more friendly (论证句:例子/数据/说理). Thus, helping others is becoming less and less possible for young people today because of the more competitive environment.(总结句)

  论证段结构剖析二:

  第一句:重述分论点二(竞争猛烈)和主论点。第二句,解释竞争猛烈如何招致协助他人可能性减小。第三句到最后,用求职的例子中止古今对比,来证明分论点。

  Judging from what has been discussed above, we can draw the conclusion that young people today are less likely to assist others than they were in the past, on account of the limited leisure time they owned and the fierce competition they are involved(结尾段:重申主题 + 总结论据)

  结尾段结构剖析:

  一句话重申主观念,总结两个分论点。

  总体结构总结如下:

  第一段背景 +争论+个人观念总

  第二段分论点 1 + 解释句+例证 1 分

  第三段分论点 2 + 解释句+例证 2

  第四段重申主论点+总结分论点总

  二. 语言剖析:(language use)

  词汇和句式:

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