Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
There is no denying that several languages die out (1) in the past few years. (2) (3) Some people pay little attention to it and even regard this phenomenon as reduction of burden. (4) But for me, the disadvantages of losing this kind of culture (5) overweigh (6) the advantages.
1. 注意时态。in the past… years这个时间状语通常是跟往常完成时连用的。
2. There is no denying that这个句子套用得不好，有模板之嫌。能够改为：It has been reported that…/ Researches have indicated that…这样的句型。
4. reduction of burden过于笼统，表达的信息还不如
6. 注意“超越”是用outweigh. 么有overweigh这个词，overweight是形容词表示“超重的”。
It has been reported that several minority languages become extinct each year. However, some people are indifferent to this phenomenon, holding that it can reduce the barrier between people from different cultures. From my point of this view, the negative effets of this trend far outweigh the convenience that it may bring.
Obviously, the whole world tends to become more united and cooperated, (7) which results in convergence of different cultures. (8) Many countries introduce foreign culture even language (9)(10) throwing away their own ones to get involved in (11) globalization. Though traditional languages die out (12) with old generations passing away, several areas attain economic progress (13) and narrow the gap (14) between industrialized nations (15) by such extreme way of learning, which do make residence (16) live more easily. (17)
Admittedly, the reduction in the number of languages may bring the world closer, which will result in the assimilation of different cultures.
13. 典型Chinglish。改为economic progress has been attained.
14. 注意逻辑主语的问题。你这里的主语应该是前面的一整句话，而不应该是这里的areas。把and及后面的部分改为非限制性定语从句，which has narrowed the gap between…
15. 为何仅仅减少工业化国度之间的差距?应该是between industrialised and developing countries.
17. 从by开端我就完全没有看懂。为什么要说“极端的学习办法”?标题中有讲过?上文有说过?这个跟学习没啥关系吧。另外，使得国度兴隆为什么使人们生活变得愈加容易?你是想说improve people’s living standard吧?
For (18) my way of thinking, however, the disappearing of minor languages (19) is a great loss for all human beings. Language, (9) as one kind of (20) precious heritage, was created and improved by older generations. It is an invaluable fortune given by (21) ancestors. By keeping giving it vitality, people can make use of it to create more fortunes both mentally and physically to make life much more easier. (22)Language (9) is more than its definition. Various languages have specific speaking systems, (23) which are involved in (24) thinking, expression and even every aspect of life. So from this perspective, people will not live as easily as expected. (25) A nation without its own language is like a three (26) living without roots. Moreover, language (9) is also a considerable (27) element of culture image, (28) which is becoming increasingly important globally.(29) Only countries possessing fascinating (30) power both in economics (31) and culture can convince the world that it is a nation with outstanding competence.
19. 注意选词。应该是minority languages.
20. 改用a kind of就能够了，没必要强调one。
21. give这个词太低级，而且与下文重复。改为passed down from传承。
23. “言语系统”叫discourse system。
28. 注意是cultural image.
30. 注意搭配，怎么能说“诱人的力气”?可用enormous/ considerable。